Racing and Parenting

jakepressley · **Posted:** Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:06 pm

OK... so I just found out that I'm going to be a dad, which is truly wonderful news!!! I have been walking around with this stupid grin on for a week now.

So honestly people, can it be done? hobby racing and raising a child? Money of course would be the first limiting factor but then comes the time investment. I drive an old ford, which requires constant tinkering, which is how I like it, its half the fun... but I am known to spend several hours getting the timing just right and so on, as I have no concept of time my little shop.

I have been getting my step son interested in the car and both him and his momma were with me at VIR in Feb. I think this is a step in the right direction.. and yes he is 3.5 and already has a go cart!!!

I suppose its a balance. I'm now really hooked to the track days at VIR and still really enjoying the local AX events.

Any advice for this kind of novice???
thanks

steve remchak · **Posted:** Tue Apr 08, 2008 11:27 pm

spend much more time cultivating the wife's interest in the hobby than you spend on the car. congrats and good luck bro.

Ryan Holton · **Posted:** Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:25 am

First off, CONGRATS!!! We are expecting twins sometime in the next two weeks.

There are lots a folks with kids who still find time to have a lil' racing fun as well. I'm sure they will chime in with advice.

Todd Breakey · **Posted:** Wed Apr 09, 2008 7:56 am

Congrats Jake!!!!

Yes it can be done. I've been successfully autocrossing and parenting for 8 years now.

As Steve said, it does help that my wife has gotten interested in autocrossing also.

Scott Johnson · **Posted:** Wed Apr 09, 2008 8:19 am

I'm sure it can be done, however, unlike those who have posted so far, I'll offer a counter point.

As you head to VIR with the family in tow (or not), when you pass over Lake Hyco pause for a moment and ask yourself:

What would be better and more fun for my family:

1) A day at VIR with me driving and tinkering on the car, while my wife watches the kids (at the track, or at home).

2) A day at Lake Hyco, swimming and picnicking.

Just something to think about.

Scott

Chris Peterson · **Joined:** Tue Sep 16, 2003 9:02 am **Posts:** 243

Jake - we have two kids under the age of 4. The oldest (3), loves to come to autocrosses with us. In fact, she's already bugging us daily to go to Topeka for Nationals again this year. We generally try to leave the younger one (1.5 yrs) at home. It's a little hectic with both of them at an event.

I agree with those who said your wife needs to be interested in the sport to be really successful at balancing family/racing. If she's not into it, then I would tend to fall more into Scott's line of thinking. Eric and I will often trade off events (he does one, I stay home and vice versa). I would NOT be happy if he was always away racing and I was home with the kids. And, as you know, if the wife isn't happy.....(say it with me now....) NO ONE is happy!

Chris Landi · **Joined:** Mon Mar 08, 2004 6:31 pm **Posts:** 579

Congratulations Jake.

I started out with a new car and a desire to do fun stuff with it prior to my wife getting pregnant.

I was getting competitive in AS before the kids were born and had a desire to keep doing better.

Kids came, initial sleep depravation and my change in focus caused any attempt at competitiveness to go out the window.

Keeping up with, and getting competitive at motorsports, is possible with kids...many do it. Having the desire to keep up after they are born is another story.

Marty Howard · **Posted:** Wed Apr 09, 2008 10:14 am

3 Kids here, all under 13.

It can be done, but you just need to make sure that you also have time to spend with them and the bride. It will greatly limit your time you spend in preparation for the events and on the car, but it's just a different kind of fun.

PhilFausz · **Posted:** Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:27 pm

Congratulations. There are so many dynamic variables to each family that nobody here can really give you the answers you're looking for. The only thing we can do is relate our situation, but many of the details are left out.

We have a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I spend most of my free time with my family and if I want to get something done, it's generally done at naptime, before o600, or after 2200. Over the past year, I've been able to increase what I can get done while parenting (not watching!!!) the two kids.

Until the kids slept through the night, I was getting about four hours of sleep a day. There were days that I just about didn't remember driving the 24 miles to work. Once you start getting sleep, you start feeling human again. Our kids started sleeping from 2200-0600 at six weeks for our first and three months for our girl.

You mentioned balance and I think that's key. If your personal priorities aren't in line with your families priorities, you're going to have problems. My wife has come to realize that autocrossing is important and she goes out of her way to support and encourage me to do it. If you're concerned, just know that the first year will be tough. Get your family together and come up with a plan and know that the plan will change, but it will be there as a guideline. Communication willl make it or break it.

Good luck. I've yet to meet a parent that isn't willing to talk about parenting situations or recommendations. Just know that it can get really annoying hearing everyone's opinion and it can get personal as well.

Oh yeah, have Whitney check your car seats, he's helped me solve a problem with my installation.

Good luck!!!

Graham Jagger · **Joined:** Fri Aug 29, 2003 12:53 am **Posts:** 1718

Congrats Jake!

Ignore everything else you read but this... I removed most of her comments cause it's all just blah, blah, blah stuff... :wink:

Chris Peterson wrote:

I would NOT be happy if he was always away racing and I was home with the kids. And, as you know, if the wife isn't happy.....(say it with me now....) NO ONE is happy!

Sell the car now. Buy a PS2 or some such with GT3 or whatever. This is your new racing career. With the money left over. Buy more diapers. You'll never have enough of them. Don't worry. Once the kids turn 20. You can go back out and play. Not that I'm bitter or anything :lol:

Stacy King · **Posted:** Wed Apr 09, 2008 2:16 pm

Jake, thats awesome news man!

I don't even have kids, but I can imagine that you can listen and ingest all the info you want from everyone... but what it will come down to is once that yungun pops out, all bets are off man.

You can always pick up the track pipe again later... but don't waste precious time away from those kids that you'll never be able to get back. Once the little one is here, the decision will be an easy one.

Plus, you're in a dangerous enough line of work as it is... you'll need to think about that too very soon.

jakepressley · **Posted:** Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:15 am

It sounds like it can be done.. thank you for your input, although I sold my convertible mustang less than 24 hour after finding out, and YES I did price out some play station 3's!!!! :oops:

I believe that she understands just how important these experiences are too me. I don't spend money on new clothes, new cars, or other "THINGS". When I load up to head to Milton or an AX I'm paying for an experience, not something I can hold in my hand rather LEARN and keep in my brain. I have been approaching it in this fashion, and DID spend all day running with Stacey on Monday.

I do understand the Hyco Lake comment that was brought up... This is where the guilt kicks in, "am I taking time away from the ones's closest to me?" This is going to be a challenge.

One more quick question.... and I mean this with the utmost respect for my woman, and all women in genersl. What's the deal with these hormones!!!!!!!!!!????????? PHEW.... thats all I can say..

David Teague · **Posted:** Thu Apr 10, 2008 9:26 am

Jake,
It can be done, however I can tell you have done 2 autocross's in the past 2 years since my daughter has been born, some of that is due to my wife changing careers, but a lot of that is I do not have as much free time as before. I had planned on doing a full autocross season this year but it is not just going to work out.

Kevin Harvey · **Posted:** Mon Apr 14, 2008 12:55 pm

Congrats, Jake!!!

It is certainly a three-sided seesaw... family, work, hobby. Time on one generally takes away time from the other two. Try and balance them in some fashion, but always remember -- family>work>hobby... no wait, family>hobby>work

MilesBeam · **Joined:** Fri Aug 15, 2003 1:57 pm **Posts:** 427

Regarding that balancing act...

Everyone's situation will be different, but I have to be honest and say that I was too selfish for too long. To race once in a while (like once or twice a year) might have been fine.. but to do that ten or more weekends a year was really selfish of me.

When I last autocrossed in 2005, I had a seven year old and a four year old. I truly enjoyed the driving that season (thanks Dick!) .. but the price was getting higher and higher every year, especially for my wife. My kids were always so sad when they realized I would be gone the next day.

It was getting harder for me too. I was often was working on the car after 11:00 pm on the night before the event because that's the first time I had a chance to. Let me tell you.. trying to be competitive on 4 hrs sleep is not a good idea. Let's see.. did I really remember to torque those lugs or not? I did race for some years after we had kids, but I should not have held on so long so tightly to that.

I'm with Scott. The car needs to go and I need to use that money for the benefit of the family. Weekends boating, sailing, skiing, and camping with the whole family are how I need to be spending my time now, when I can.

There are seasons of life... and trying to stop that is like trying to prevent winter... you really can't. Even if your wife supports you in your hobby, if she is not there with you and loving it, you can only ask her to put up with so much for so long....

Everyone's experiences and priorities will be different. While I think I could still autocross some now that I have kids, I know I can't do that ten weekends a year and be super serious. And I'm not sure that I really want to either.

Keep the lines of communication open with your wife and see how she feels about things as time progresses. You'll work it out.

Best of luck to you Jake!

Miles
(1991 Corvette Z07.. for sale!)

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